All the Zen philosophies I have embraced for that past year… well… it was some experience; but I decided I won’t be having any of it, not anymore.
I tried, really… to be this Gandhi-like guy who is passive and dependent on the karmic forces doing all the chores in making the world go round while I just smile, watch sunsets, and drink tea. And it was, at some point, fun, even fulfilling… but reality, the bitch that she is, have had enough of it and slapped me in the face for some wake-up call.
I’m an asshole, a slut, and an acid-tongued bitch. That’s who I am and I should deal with it.
It’s in my genes; I was hard-wired to be one and no matter how hard I try not to be one, I always end up being one. And if that doesn’t convince you… yeah, I like it better when I’m like my old self. Stronger, bolder, better in any sense.
I’m not exactly evil, that’s for sure. I still have some moral fiber in me. Limitations still uh… limit everything I say and do. I firmly believe in the goodness of every human being, that we should do our part in maintaining equilibrium in this plane, that the world ain’t that a terrible place, really, and that there should be a continuous struggle for balance in everything that I do… it’s just that:
1. I can’t put up with shit anymore. If it’s shit, it’s shit. End of story.
2. I aim for much, much bigger things— I am for certain not settling for mediocrity and I need the bravado, the attitude, and the guts to trample all adversities.
3. I cannot fight evil with good. I am for the general welfare of this world… but when dickheads come around and try to mess with things, I don’t intend to fight back with flowers and rainbows when zweihanders can do the job.
4. Payback is so much fun. Revenge is not ours, it’s God’s so they say… Nah. There will be times you need to realize that you are God’s means for revenge. Awesome.
5. I hate the drama— Issues, being emotional and all, ugh.
And yeah, being the good ol’ me doesn’t even come with an effort. I simply kick-ass.