Now You Lost It, Now You Don’t

“Virginity is just a state of mind.”

That’s what my friend said when I asked her when did she lose it (since we had nothing to talk about anymore that the subject of our conversations shifted to “experiences”). I stared at her. I was practically stunned for approximately twenty seconds— my poor brain trying to process what she had just claimed. “…Just a state of mind…virginity… that even though her hymen was completely ruptured due to you-know-what  and blood gushed out of her love tunnel; her brain, which was in a state of virginity,  was able to send signals to her vaginal lining to recoat, completely closing it again as if nothing happened??? Or wait, was it just a metaphor? Was her perception of virginity at a level beyond my low philosophical understanding or any sort of comprehension? Is this some sort of a post-modern thing?  My head aches…please guide me to epiphany, O sage of mental virginity…   I paused to reconsider. Was my question ambivalent? No. It was crystal clear. WHEN DID YOU LOSE IT aka when did you strip off your clothes and f%&*d each other, damn it.

The veiled vestal virgin- even Maria Clara doesn’t stand a chance as far as chastity is concerned (I’ve always thought of Ibarra’s love interest as a bi@#! in a saya with a fan)


I asked her again, rephrasing the question to the most literal level possible and her answer was the same. My brain went into another seizure.

“So you’re trying to say that virginity has nothing to do with sex? That as long as you believe you are a virgin you remain to be one no matter what, where, and how often you do it?” I felt stupid asking the same thing over and over again.

“Indeed.” She succinctly but confidently replied. “Because in truth, it is the mindset which determines the true reality in this realm. You see, it’s like Plato’s Idealism where the physical world is not real. What is real are those things in our consciousness.” She brought out then a five-hundred peso bill from her purse. “For example, this bill is just a shadow of the true bill. Because when I tear this and throw it away, it is gone. But the concept of the bill inside your head no matter what happens to the physical money, doesn’t disappear.”

I didn’t want her to tear the bill. But I did want to tear her face.

“It’s unfair to compare virginity to a 500-bill.” I felt that her analogy was more of like virginity being a 500-peso merchandise.

She laughed while looking at me like a complete moron who forces his punitive brain to process an oracular revelation.

“So when do you say you are not a virgin anymore? When you stop thinking you’re not one? How can you even think you are a virgin when you already know what it felt to be knocked-up?”

“My friend, it’s not that simple. Virginity should be perceived at a level transcending the physical.”

This was going nowhere. And I actually thought she was smart. Had the Vestal Virgins heard this conversation, no doubt they will swoop down from the temple of Hestia and burn this disillusioned woman with the sacred flame.

“Alright then. I shall start thinking like one too. Needless, I can brag I am immaculate because I think therefore I am.” My sarcasm apparently didn’t penetrate her virgin mind.

You do it if you do it. You lose if you lose it. No return, no exchange. Give me another tautology of not losing it while losing it and I will throw you in the furnace.


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