On Friendship, Being Boss, and Changes

A common scenario in any  graduation ceremony after the looooong speech of the guest speaker and the traditional hat-throwing in the air would be the high school best friends hugging each other, telling to one another with teary-eyes that even if they part ways in college…

An unexpected thing occurs due to circumstances (fate?) and a friendship is forged between two, three, or more people who, still out of disbelief, promises to each other that no matter what happens…

A colleague who just got the promotion and suddenly becomes the supervisor assures his now subordinates that…

I, we, will not change.

And after four, five years of college life; after some years of being together; after several months of holding the managerial position… would it still be the case?

It is very comforting, truly:  the feeling of security, knowing and assuring/assured that change will not occur despite whatever circumstances. The emotion and the memory where you felt the zenith of joy freezes in time and swiftly, it becomes the locus of the relationship- the reference of everything you do, say, and think.  And the pressure suddenly kicks in.

“You were never assertive in high school.”

“You used to prioritize friendship over dates.”

“You were so humble back then.”

“What happened to you?”

It is as if a crime has been committed, a violation to the sacred unwritten accord that seemed to measure one’s character thus resulting to disappointment, detachment, and dissension.   “You said you will never change?!” You accuse with fingers pointing condescendingly. “You promised.”

And so to you, how noble you are for not changing a single bit. How loyal you must have been for being exactly the ‘you’ a couple of years ago till now. Praises for you who remained every inch like yourself because you are true to your word indeed.

Thing is, the moment you decided not to change, you decided to die.

For when change does not happen, life ceases to exist. Change is life itself.   And so why do you take it against them? The people who, either willingly or unwittingly, changed? Is change an enemy? Is changing tantamount to committing treachery to the very people who constitute your world- your friends, associates, lovers, family?  Is not changing even possible? Your beliefs? Choices? Decisions? Feelings?

Fact of life— change comes inevitably and f*cks things up. Even if you do not notice it, even if you do not want to, and yes, even if you believe you have always stayed the same. People change. For good or bad. Period.

But you want the friendship to remain? But you wish he/she will be just like the girl/boy you liked before? But you want him/her to be firmly grounded no matter what?

Change is vital, but is never the issue.  It’s not about change, really.

It’s what you do about it.

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Filed under broodings, Living, questions

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